I spent much of my early twenties chasing experiences; nights blurred by drinking, parties, so many faces trying to feel like that was living. But time and time again, I returned to silence feeling hollow. I was disconnected from the self beneath the noise.

When the medical path I’d been preparing for didn’t open, I dropped out of college and I chose a radical unknown: I bought a one-way ticket to Hawai‘i not knowing a soul, left behind the familiar, and set out to discover who I might become when I stopped letting others write my story.

On the Big Island, I volunteered on a tropical fruit + meditation farm and oceanside yoga retreat.. I lived off-grid: in a tent under a shack, no electricity, no WiFi. My fridge was a cooler. My light was moonlight and morning. The world narrowed until I only had myself and what I truly valued.

In that simplicity, I found more than I ever expected. I saw how deeply our hearts seek presence, how beauty lives in the small things, how memory and meaning are stronger than the material and external validation. Within, always had thoughts on my mind, ‘you’re more than your schedule, your income, your roles, the things you own’

Stillness taught this: peace without purpose can become its own cage. After that time, I returned home, lived between my parents' homes. Every job I took, every place I moved, every face I cared for.. it was all invitation back to that inner whisper.

I was a brand ambassador in health food stores. I had so many different gigs at different times. I traveled. Then became a luxury nanny for families on the island, building meaningful relationships. But all the while, I was anchored to others’ schedules, always “on call,” while my own energy quietly drained.

I loved the connection, the joy, and the children who reminded me what play felt like tapping into my own inner child. But the cycles of feast and famine, the constant availability, and the hidden cost to my body and heart became too heavy. During off-seasons, I’d travel.. meeting an Australian on my first trip out of the country and together we wandered, housesat, and found love in the unanchored spaces.

But no matter where I went, I still returned to rebuild the same cycles. I built a life that looked beautiful from the outside but underneath, I carried fatigue, tension, longing for a sustainable way to make it work.